YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY! THE INSTRUCTIONS SPECIFICALLY SAID DON’T GRAB YOUR COATS AND LAPTOPS AND TO MOVE QUICKLY BUT WITHOUT PANICKING! IF THIS WAS A REAL FIRE AND NOT A DRILL YOU WOULDN’T BE TWITTERING AND STUFF!
YEAH WE WOULD.
WE’D ACTUALLY BE SLOWER. FIRE WOULD LOOK SO COOL WITH INSTAGRAM.
(via bodylectric)
Source: animalstalkinginallcaps
Source: animalstalkinginallcapsHELLO, AND WELCOME. IT’S GOOD TO SEE SO MANY SMILING FACES IN THE PEWS TODAY. NOW, IT’S IMPORTANT THAT WE GET BACK TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED CHRISTIAN VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY, AND I THINK THE BEST WAY WE CAN DO THAT IS TO FOCUS ON THE PARTS OF THE BIBLE THAT OCCUR BEFORE CHRIST. THAT’S WHY WE’RE CHRISTIANS. BECAUSE CHRIST ISN’T IMPORTANT. WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THE PRIMITIVE, SUPERSTITIOUS, DEPLORABLE PARTS OF THE OLD TESTAMENT THAT ALLOW US TO BE AS FAR REMOVED FROM THE NAMESAKE OF OUR CHOSEN RELIGION AS POSSIBLE SO THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THINGS LIKE EXPLAIN GAY PEOPLE OR ECONOMIC DISPARITY TO OUR KIDS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SHITTING ON THE POOR AND REDUCING WOMEN AND BLACKS TO THE LEVEL OF PROPERTY, STRIPPED OF THEIR HARD-WON RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS.
WHAT WE ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT DO IS ACKNOWLEDGE THE TEACHINGS AND WISDOM OF THE NEW TESTAMENT, WHICH IS THE BOOK OUR RELIGION DRAWS ITS NAME FROM. THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY, AND WE’D HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO … EVERYONE, BASICALLY, FOR BEING ENORMOUS, UNREPENTANT ASSHOLES WHO PLACE PERSONAL PROFIT AND COMFORT OVER THE RIGHTS AND NEEDS OF THE MANY.
I CAN SEE A LOT OF YOU HERE TODAY ARE GOING TO START ASKING THE SAME KIND OF QUESTIONS THAT GOT JESUS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, AND I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU: WHAT ARE YOU, SOCIALISTS? STOP ROCKING THE BOAT. IF YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE THEN THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON. AMEN.
Source: animalstalkinginallcapsTHAT’S RIGHT, DRAG IT. DRAG THAT LONG, SEXY ASS.
OH MY GOD, MOM. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOUR FATHER HAS A VERY NICE BACKSIDE. I’M COMMENTING ON IT.
THAT’S SO GROSS. YOU’RE GROSSING ME OUT. DAD, TELL HER SHE’S BEING A SICKO.
HONEY, YOU’RE BEING “A SICKO” AND UPSETTING SAMUEL WITH YOUR COMPLETELY ACCURATE REMARK ABOUT HOW GREAT MY ASS IS.
I’M NOT SORRY.
YOU HEAR THAT, CHAMP? YOUR MOTHER IS UNREPENTANT. SHE’S A WOMAN OF STRONG CONVICTIONS, AND I THINK WE SHOULD RESPECT THAT.
Source: animalstalkinginallcapsYEAH, TOM, THE CONSERVATIVES’ DECENTRALIZED FREE MARKET IS QUITE EFFICIENT AT HANDLING MANY ASPECTS OF ECONOMIC LIFE, BUT LEGITIMATE REFORM WILL BE EFFECTIVELY IMPOSSIBLE IF WE DON’T ACCEPT THE DISRUPTIVE NATURE OF CAPITALISM’S FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS, SPECIFICALLY IN THE CONTEXT OF CAPITAL-INTENSIVE PRODUCTION PROCESSES! SO WHILE WE MAY, IN THEORY, ADMIRE OR PRAISE THE PROPERTIES OF FREE MARKETS FOR THEIR EFFICIENCY IT’S BEYOND APPARENT THAT THEIR DOMAIN IS RESTRICTED. WE SHOULD BE WORKING TOWARD THE DEVELOPMENT OF INSTITUTIONS THAT CONTROL AND CONSTRAIN LIABILITY STRUCTURES, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF THE FINANCIAL SECTOR OR PRODUCTION PROCESSES THAT REQUIRE COLOSSAL INVESTMENTS OF CAPITAL. THAT’S ONE OF THE KEY PARADOXES OF CAPITALISM, RIGHT? THAT IT CANNOT READILY ASSIMILATE LARGE-SCALE CAPITAL ASSET PRODUCTION PROCESSES? I MEAN COME ON!
Source: animalstalkinginallcapsMARLENE.
I … DIDN’T EXPECT TO SEE YOU HERE.
AFTER YOU LEFT ME AND MOVED OFF TO BERLIN WITH THAT PAINTER I ASSUMED I’D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.
I SPENT SOME MONTHS AT SEA … TRYING TO FORGET YOU. I DABBLED IN OPIATES …
MY GOD YOU LOOK STUNNING.
